3 Insights for Leaders who like to Rescue
Are you someone who loves solving problems, even those of others? Do you feel satisfaction when helping your team but also feel stretched and exhausted? Do you wonder why your team relies on you instead of stepping up?
One of the biggest challenges leaders face is their secret enjoyment of solving problems. It makes them feel clever, valued, and needed. However, this often leads to exhaustion and frustration when their team keeps coming to them instead of figuring things out on their own.
If this sounds familiar, the 'heroic leader' might be at play—the part of you that likes to jump in and save the day.
Why do we strive to be a hero in leadership?
Our heroic impulses often arise from the best of intentions. We want to help, we want to solve, we want to fix.
And often, our technical expertise and ‘smarts’ is what has got us to where we are today - in a position of leadership. We have been reinforced throughout our career for our intellect - promoted, given more power, responsibility, people to ‘manage’, a higher salary, maybe even shares in the company….so what on earth happens when we take on a position of leadership? Is being a hero really what’s needed in leadership?
Here are three things to think about when wanting to rescue in leadership:
Insight #1: We hold misconceptions about heroic leadership
We often assume that:
Leaders have the answers
Leaders know what to do
People do what they’re told
High risk requires high control
The more you’re paid the better answers you’ll have
As situations become harder, power needs to shift to the top (to the CEO who will know what to do).
These assumptions are evident in titles like “Directors” and “Managers” (aka ‘tellers’ and ‘controllers’).
It's not surprising we hold these beliefs—reflecting on childhood, we looked to our parents (our heroes) for protection and answers. They taught us about the world, answered our "why" questions, protected us from danger, and took control in risky situations.
But are these assumptions true? While being a hero works in parenting, often the opposite is true for leadership.
Insight #2: Heroic leadership and rescuing is no longer effective
Being a hero and rescuing others has its perks: problems get solved quickly and effectively, and we feel good about it.
But there are downsides. Habitually solving others' problems teaches them to rely on you, leading to dependency, stifled growth, and diminished productivity. People become executors of your directives rather than independent thinkers.
As our environment grows more complex, today's adaptive problems (like COVID-19) can't be solved by a single heroic leader. This leaves rescuer-leaders feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
While we may have started our careers as experts, leadership requires a different approach.
Insight #3: Move from the Drama Triangle to the Empowerment Triangle
Rescuing your staff puts you into the ‘Drama Triangle’ (below): your staff are the victim who have a problem they can’t solve, there may be perpetrator(s) who caused the problem, and your job as their leader to ‘rescue’ and solve the problem for them. In this cycle, you may even switch roles and eventually play the victim, with your people becoming the perpetrators by not ‘stepping up’ and causing you to be stressed or burnt out.
In leadership, we are leading adults, not children….and often people at work are recruited for their independence, expertise, passion, motivation and effectiveness. Instead of viewing your people as victims, view them as competent, capable adults who have a challenge - as shown in the ‘Empowerment Triangle’ (below). Reframe your role as rescuer (problem solver) to coach (fostering learning and growth). Or, in situations where your people lack skills or technical expertise, mentor them.
To become a strong leader, let go of your rescuer tendencies (hard but possible!), master coaching skills (easier!), and reframe your mission to focus on learning, not just results. Acknowledge that there are times when rescuing is necessary, but adopt a situational leadership approach based on the needs of your team.
Stop feeding your people. Teach them how to fish!